It was a sharply cold night in early March of 2008. I was not myself. I was spiritually lost. I felt like a shell. I strongly disliked my life.
I had wandered the city streets near my apartment complex in Eagan, MN, with a beer in my hand, and even though my light mock army jacket wasn't keeping me at all warm, I endured the bitter cold a bit longer while sitting on a swing in a dark municipal playground, shuffling the shallow snow with my shoes.
Looking up, breathing out frosty breath, gripping the icy chains, I peered to the overcast sky and asked aloud, "WHY, GOD?"
"WHY is it impossible to get anyone to stay?"
It was a swing of a playground where I'd hung out months earlier with a woman now vanished from my life. That day we'd passed through was one of those quintessential days of dating when two grown people, very seemingly in love, had lightheartedly played on children's play equipment. It was the scene of a memory that, for me, signified happiness I thought I would share for years to come.
But she was gone. And I couldn't understand it all. Even though I was familiar with the grief of letting go of someone I wanted badly to share my life with, I never got used to the scenario. This time it was kind of the nail in the coffin. I was ready to give up hope.
In hindsight this seems overly dramatic, and even silly. But when you're a young man (or a man of any age, some would say) who's grown accustomed to giving his heart away with deep fervent ambition, and who's grown to believe that love is always meant to be a movie-like battle, then there's only so many deathblows you'll take before hope runs out.
If you're someone who's given up on anything before, I hope this story speaks to you. Have you given up on love? Have you given up on finding a gratifying calling in life? Have you given up on God?
What is your impossibility?
I want to tell you about grace. God gives us things many times when we least deserve it. That's what he did when he sent Jesus Christ into the world a couple thousand years ago. Humanity didn't deserve God's love anymore at that time than they do today. Yet people like me and you are saved, in spite of ourselves, through faith in what Jesus accomplished for us.
Grace, folks, is when God steps into your life and, in spite of the things you've been doing in ignorance, in violence, in selfishness, and self-pity, or with an ugly chip on your shoulder, he places a gift before you that is so beautiful and right.
That, for me, was a woman named Jennifer Krueger. To this day I still call her my "Second Grace." First, 2,000+ years ago, Christ died on the cross to save me, spiritually, from my sins. Then, in 2008, he arranged the intersection of Jeff Ulrich and Jen Krueger to save me from myself and give me someone I couldn't possibly deserve.
When we met I was unprepared, skeptical, wounded, and undeserving....but I knew what was good for me and did not let her get away. Three months later we were engaged, and by August 10th we were standing before God, a small group of family, and a minister, and declared our vows and love publicly and became husband and wife. First there was that small, somewhat private ceremony (below):
Then, in December of that year, we held a more formal and full-scaled "public declaration of vows" with all friends and family in attendance, to make it more official (below):
(Don't mind the weird facial reaction - the kiss marks were from all the females in the wedding party - I was VERY sure I wanted to be there!)
Today marks seven years since that beautiful day that we began our official journey together.
It's commonly agreed on by Biblical scholars that the use of the number 7 in Scripture points to an idea of completion, or completeness, of something. If there were 7 years of something, that's how long God wanted that thing to go on until his purpose for it was complete (Jacob waiting and working to earn the hand of a bride, the length of a drought/famine, etc.). If there were 7 of something else, like the 7 seals in Revelation, that represented everything of that which the symbol represented being accounted for. In Genesis, God is reported to have used just 7 days to create the whole cosmos, down to every droplet in the oceans, every blade of wild grass, and every tuft of fur or hair on Adam and Eve's heads. The seventh day of that first week of human history, since his creative work was done and complete, he put his stamp of approval on everything by resting.
I like to loosely make use of this analogy now. Not to say that my ability to love my wife and family won't grow or mature further (because it sure better!), and not to say that we've been through everything there is to endure in a marriage (because that would be silly to presume, and I just know we haven't)...but when I look back on the storyline of my life with the woman who married me, and the family we've made together, with two sons, Daniel (6) and Braden (just about 4), it's at this point that I feel some completeness embossing the print of this chapter heading.
In seven years we've lived at more addresses than we'd care to, have held more unwanted, dead-end, part-time, temporary, or plain ol' annoying jobs than we'd care to, have lost grandparents to death, have had a sibling go through cancer, have spent thousands of hard-earned dollars on car repairs or buying new clunkers, have seen friendships end, and have dealt with the turbulence of a struggling economy. We've cleaned up the messes of many a poor decision, many a victimization at the hands of a rude or dishonest folks, and many a random crapshoot of this unpredictable life.
In seven years, we've learned many lessons relationally, spiritually, financially, physically, and parentally. We've ridden the roller coaster of raising two children over 6 years (if you're a middle aged adult who's maybe even gotten to the empty-nester stage, yes, I know that sounds like nothing compared to your fuller spectrum of experience....but, as you assuredly recall, those first several years were very foundational to your parenting). We've lived in two different states, both near to and far from each side of our combined families, and have experimented to the greatest extent that we'd prefer with rental housing (both in management and in residence).
In seven years, we've had joyful times, angry and bitter, battlesome times, worried and anxious times, placid and serene times, depressed and sorrowful times, and elated times. We've seen the mountain highs of being "in love" in the giddy ways that accompany dating, engagement, and being newlywed, and we've fought our way through the dark valley times when love was harder to find because of sin and self-centeredness.
But most of all, in seven years we've seen every opportunity to learn again and again what the love of a marriage is supposed to truly be. We've seen time after time, in example after shameful example around us in society, what it's NOT meant to be, and have agreed continually to not let that be us. We have made up (eventually, though sometimes more quickly than others) after every fight. We have apologized for as many wrongs to each other as we could think of or see. We have worked through the differences in preference, the pet peeves, the differences in personality and temperament, and even the really difficult topics, like how to maintain a healthy balance between fantasy football and family time during the NFL season. :)
Thanks to countless great examples in our community or family or among friends, and thanks to great sermons at our church in Oconomowoc (somehow, these have been the best of our lives), we've learned over and over to remember that our marriage is a sermon itself. We've worked through tears and tragedies and selfish pride and hurt and anger to always arrive together once more at a place that recalls how much Jesus loved us, that he died for us, and forgave every wrongdoing. We wake up each day committed to demonstrating that marriage is for showing the world what Jesus' love looks like in everyday life.
Through the experiences, the humbling lessons of life, the ebbs and flows of good times and bad, the memories, the joys of being parents to two active, sweet and rascally little sons, and the adventurous path of always learning about each other, we have been made complete. Seven years of completion....and we know we're right where we're meant to be, doing all the things we're meant to be doing, and loving the ones we were made to love.
It all began when two mid-twenty-somethings who liked to call themselves "cool, but in the nerdy way" were nudged together by external forces, snapped out of their self-absorbed heartbreak comas, and began following God's path of learning to love the way he drew it up long ago.
Sacrificially....
Passionately and tirelessly....
Unconditionally....
With a complete and peace-filled recognition that no cause is ever lost, nothing is ever hopeless, and, with God....ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE!
*Happy 7th anniversary, Jen, my sweetheart! I love you forever and always, and I'm even more overwhelmed at your devotion and the certainty of your love than I was when I first laid eyes on your lovely face. Thank you for being the better half of genes in these crazy, smart, fun little boys of ours. Thank you for never ceasing to forgive me when I fail to serve you correctly. Thank you for being reckless and generous with your heart, with me. Thank you for letting me be the one who gets to hold you close, and kiss you goodnight, for the rest of my days.
- Love, Jeff*
Today marks seven years since that beautiful day that we began our official journey together.
It's commonly agreed on by Biblical scholars that the use of the number 7 in Scripture points to an idea of completion, or completeness, of something. If there were 7 years of something, that's how long God wanted that thing to go on until his purpose for it was complete (Jacob waiting and working to earn the hand of a bride, the length of a drought/famine, etc.). If there were 7 of something else, like the 7 seals in Revelation, that represented everything of that which the symbol represented being accounted for. In Genesis, God is reported to have used just 7 days to create the whole cosmos, down to every droplet in the oceans, every blade of wild grass, and every tuft of fur or hair on Adam and Eve's heads. The seventh day of that first week of human history, since his creative work was done and complete, he put his stamp of approval on everything by resting.
I like to loosely make use of this analogy now. Not to say that my ability to love my wife and family won't grow or mature further (because it sure better!), and not to say that we've been through everything there is to endure in a marriage (because that would be silly to presume, and I just know we haven't)...but when I look back on the storyline of my life with the woman who married me, and the family we've made together, with two sons, Daniel (6) and Braden (just about 4), it's at this point that I feel some completeness embossing the print of this chapter heading.
In seven years we've lived at more addresses than we'd care to, have held more unwanted, dead-end, part-time, temporary, or plain ol' annoying jobs than we'd care to, have lost grandparents to death, have had a sibling go through cancer, have spent thousands of hard-earned dollars on car repairs or buying new clunkers, have seen friendships end, and have dealt with the turbulence of a struggling economy. We've cleaned up the messes of many a poor decision, many a victimization at the hands of a rude or dishonest folks, and many a random crapshoot of this unpredictable life.
In seven years, we've learned many lessons relationally, spiritually, financially, physically, and parentally. We've ridden the roller coaster of raising two children over 6 years (if you're a middle aged adult who's maybe even gotten to the empty-nester stage, yes, I know that sounds like nothing compared to your fuller spectrum of experience....but, as you assuredly recall, those first several years were very foundational to your parenting). We've lived in two different states, both near to and far from each side of our combined families, and have experimented to the greatest extent that we'd prefer with rental housing (both in management and in residence).
In seven years, we've had joyful times, angry and bitter, battlesome times, worried and anxious times, placid and serene times, depressed and sorrowful times, and elated times. We've seen the mountain highs of being "in love" in the giddy ways that accompany dating, engagement, and being newlywed, and we've fought our way through the dark valley times when love was harder to find because of sin and self-centeredness.
But most of all, in seven years we've seen every opportunity to learn again and again what the love of a marriage is supposed to truly be. We've seen time after time, in example after shameful example around us in society, what it's NOT meant to be, and have agreed continually to not let that be us. We have made up (eventually, though sometimes more quickly than others) after every fight. We have apologized for as many wrongs to each other as we could think of or see. We have worked through the differences in preference, the pet peeves, the differences in personality and temperament, and even the really difficult topics, like how to maintain a healthy balance between fantasy football and family time during the NFL season. :)
Thanks to countless great examples in our community or family or among friends, and thanks to great sermons at our church in Oconomowoc (somehow, these have been the best of our lives), we've learned over and over to remember that our marriage is a sermon itself. We've worked through tears and tragedies and selfish pride and hurt and anger to always arrive together once more at a place that recalls how much Jesus loved us, that he died for us, and forgave every wrongdoing. We wake up each day committed to demonstrating that marriage is for showing the world what Jesus' love looks like in everyday life.
Through the experiences, the humbling lessons of life, the ebbs and flows of good times and bad, the memories, the joys of being parents to two active, sweet and rascally little sons, and the adventurous path of always learning about each other, we have been made complete. Seven years of completion....and we know we're right where we're meant to be, doing all the things we're meant to be doing, and loving the ones we were made to love.
It all began when two mid-twenty-somethings who liked to call themselves "cool, but in the nerdy way" were nudged together by external forces, snapped out of their self-absorbed heartbreak comas, and began following God's path of learning to love the way he drew it up long ago.
Sacrificially....
Passionately and tirelessly....
Unconditionally....
With a complete and peace-filled recognition that no cause is ever lost, nothing is ever hopeless, and, with God....ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE!
*Happy 7th anniversary, Jen, my sweetheart! I love you forever and always, and I'm even more overwhelmed at your devotion and the certainty of your love than I was when I first laid eyes on your lovely face. Thank you for being the better half of genes in these crazy, smart, fun little boys of ours. Thank you for never ceasing to forgive me when I fail to serve you correctly. Thank you for being reckless and generous with your heart, with me. Thank you for letting me be the one who gets to hold you close, and kiss you goodnight, for the rest of my days.
- Love, Jeff*
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