Character Defined

Currently my wife and I are taking part in something called the Mental Fitness Challenge, which is basically the flagship product that's just been launched by the LIFE business. It's a program that's taking 90 days to guide the participant through some practical and structured steps to instill better habits, such as making resolutions on principles in life and following them, and to fortify our ability to learn how to be successful people. Today's activity in the Mental Fitness Challenge, which you can think of as something like the P90X program for your mind, was the last in this week's material centered on the topic of "character."

Orrin Woodward describes character as "integrity times courage" (thinking of it mathematically), and I feel that's a perfect way to describe it. There's a big difference between having integrity to not do something wrong, or bad, or sinful, and having character to actually proactively do that which is right. Let me give you an example: A couple years ago I was sitting in the employee hallway area in Kraft Foods, where I worked. I was on a bench with the rest of my department crew, waiting on our last minutes of lunch break to wind down before all walking back to the time clock to punch back in from break and get back to work. A few of my coworkers were saying some things about a coworker of ours who worked a different shift (so he wasn't there to defend himself), and this guy was a friend of mine. A particular comment was made that I didn't like, something that essentially degraded his reputation (nothing colossal, but nothing very nice either, really); basically it was gossip. Knowing that gossip is wrong, I kept my mouth shut and said nothing to complement that part of the conversation. But my thoughts of contradiction to this wrongdoing stayed inside, and I ended up not saying anything. What happened there? I'll tell you. I showed the integrity to not join in their gossip about my friend. But I failed to show the character to stand up for him and vocalize my displeasure with their bad comments. I lacked the courage to put aside my own comfort and instead was content to know I had at least not joined in. 

It occurred to me while I study chapter 2 (on character) from Orrin Woodward's book "Resolved" that we have a severe problem with this issue of character in our society nowadays. Follow me here, and ask yourself if this doesn't at least somewhat resonate. 

When we judge others' character, or our own, on the surface, what are we basing that verdict on? Aren't we usually making comparisons and judgments based on whether we are guilty of gross and vivid failures in morality? Don't we find ourselves thinking, "Susie is a pretty decent person. She definitely isn't the kind to hold up a convenience store or shoplift" and then deduce that she must have character? Don't we look at ourselves, and consider that we haven't done this or that very obvious malfeasance and then let that be our proof to ourselves that we have character? Now I'm not saying that we are all totally and completely self-deceived. I know many people who are as aware of their sinfulness as I feel that I am. But what I'm suggesting is that we take our understanding of what true character is to a deeper level.

To have character, we need to start with a total honesty with ourselves at all times. When I fall prey to the temptation to buy a Snickers bar while out for my work day, even though I know my wife and I have discussed recently that we're on a spending freeze for the month, it may not be that anyone else but me knows that I just did something I technically shouldn't have. But that doesn't mean that I didn't lack character just then. Let's get even more specific. Leadership expert Dan Hawkins, in one of his recorded success talks, talks about even those things we tell only ourselves that we're going to do, and how failure to follow through on even those things is a lack of character. What takes place when we don't "follow through" is basically that we lie to ourselves, and perhaps to another. To keep with the example of that which stays between myself and me, how about the instance when I tell myself in the morning, "I'm going to go for a bike ride today because I need some exercise" and then I end up wimping out on it later in the day. Nobody else, save God alone, knew that I had committed - i.e. given my word (to myself) - to go exercise that day. But it was still a lie because I deceived myself. 

As we look around and see a society that we can all agree is circling the drain, ethically, let's consider that it's time to lead the way in having personal character. It's been said that, in order to lead others, we must first be able to lead ourselves. We must commit to honing our character, and our resolve to do what's right - and not just feel pious over not doing things that show up in the evening news - so that we can constantly be on an upward climb in personal improvement. This gives glory to God, as we truly do pure good works that others can see and praise our Maker for. This manifests itself in our service to our fellow man. And finally, this proves to ourselves that we are who we say we are, and that we'll never settle for letting ourselves down in the private or "little" things, that all count so much as well. Leadership starts with character, and character requires the courage to hold a high standard on ourselves. Let the words of Winston Churchill echo in our hearts: "Courage is rightly esteemed the first of human qualities...because it is the quality which guarantees all others."

God bless.

Apronstrings to Leadership

As mother's day approaches this weekend, we will all have several things to thank our mothers for, and to thank God for in giving us mothers. Certainly among those things we appreciate on Mother's Day (and always) are the love and nurturing compassion they show, the comfort of their gifts and thoughtfulness, their home-cooking, their constant concern and instincts to give that special word of advice when needed, and more.

But I challenge every one of you this year to reflect on your mothers in light of the concept of leadership. Usually, when we hear that word, it evokes images of George Washington at the bow of his boat, forging ahead across the Potomac River before battle, or the captain of the volleyball squad, or the general manager of a department store, or the governor of a state. But how often do we stretch that umbrella of leadership to fit over our mothers?

The truth is, as John Maxwell said, "Everything rises and falls on leadership." This includes the family. Everyone is called upon at various times or stations in life to be the essence of a leader. Our parents are both just that, as well. Here too we sometimes get hung up on the societal norm (thought it's becoming a lot less of a prevalent standard in recent times) that the father is the leader of the household and family. While it's true that he is the ultimate leader, as his God-given and biblical role dictates, mothers have big leadership impact as well.

Their leadership began in the simple yet toilsome act of birth - i.e. they led you into the world! They typically are the ones at home with their young children in the greatest expenditure of time, leading them through those learning processes like crawling, walking, talking, reading, what to play with and what's too dangerous, and so on. They lead by word all the lives of their children, but also, and perhaps most importantly, by example.

A mother is a leader when she shows her daughter(s) how to respect and honor their father, and submit to his loving and responsible attempts to guide the family through life. She is also a leader when she encourages her son(s) to seek their father's guidance in manly things, that they might define, learn to be, and become the type of person to be that she can't 100% emulate for them. She's a leader when she exemplifies the importance of education and good habits and the importance of faith, as she reads, learns, practices good hygiene and dresses with excellence, and emphasizes the need to attend church and be around those who share their spirituality. A mother leads when she speaks, as she shows her children how to season their talk with grace and humility and gentleness; when she praises and thanks her God and prays to him with her children she shows the beauty of devotion. She leads when she is the first to apologize, the first to forgive, the first to stand up for what's right in the face of difficulty, and the first to serve others' needs.

Let's all stand in awe of the massive responsibility that mothers around the world have in their motherhood. Truly, everyone in the family construct has their own unique ways to lead someone else, and without leadership things fall apart. So thanks to moms everywhere, for their commitment and caring ways of leading as only they can! They are the leadership glue that helps hold our families together. And where the family is strong, so too is the country in which those families live. Leadership, therefore, promotes and protects freedom!

God bless.

Right is Right No Matter the Plight

They have to suit up and go perform their duties on holidays, sometimes missing time with their families. They have to undergo rigorous training all year long to maintain the physical conditioning required to perform at a level that keeps the checks coming in. They have to endure physical abuse and injury, sometimes weekly or even daily, from relentless and vicious opponents. And all in the name of blessing Americans with the gift of entertainment. What sacrifices these professional athletes make in their jobs! What tribulations they must go through! And now, in a case like "Bountygate", players like Jonathan Vilma are maliciously persecuted and unjustly penalized by a tyrannical commissioner, whose thirst for power and division among teams cannot be satiated!

Anyone feeling sympathy right now….? For the record, neither am I.

Actually, in the words of the old Linkin Park song, I’m “one step closer to the edge, and I’m about to break.” Break free, that is, from what’s becoming a sillier and sillier loyalty in my fanhood to professional sports. Stories in the headlines, and the ensuing debate, controversy, and cacophony of whining done by players, media members, owners, and fans are just hammering home the erroneous message that we should pity the circumstances of these beloved star athletes, who are the cogs powering the juggernaut entertainment worlds of sports, the American pastimes, as they say.

This message, whether intentional or subliminal, has got to be contradicted. Why? Not because I feel the need to simply add to the noise, nor because I even care whether American sports fans really understand the proper way to view the myriad of titanically overpaid athletes and entertainers in our country. We have to get our thinking right about these cases, because of the underlying applications to our own lives. The players and other people involved in the NFL, whether in stories of supposed persecution or injustice like those penalized in "Bountygate," or others, are terribly missing the mark in understanding their moral obligations and responsibilities. But worse yet, they and the whole media mess are conveying to the rest of the nation that "situational ethics" is still alive and well as a great personal modus operandi. 

For those of you unfamiliar with the reference, "Bountygate" is the satirical label for the story in recent sports headlines, that at certain points in the last 2-3 seasons in the NFL, the New Orleans Saints football team allegedly used a program of "bounties" (i.e. prize money for injuring opponents in high stakes games) to motivate their defensive players. Head coach Sean Payton was immediately suspended for the 2012-13 season when the news broke, and the defensive coordinator who was supposedly the ringleader of it all, Gregg Williams, was indefinitely suspended - he may never see the light of day in the NFL again. Others have had fines or suspensions handed down, and the debate that's arisen from NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell's disciplinary actions is getting plenty of airtime on radio talk shows, ESPN, and the like. Jonathan Vilma, a Saints linebacker, has thus far been dealt the heaviest blow in it all, being suspended for the entire upcoming season without pay, as his head coach was. Vilma claims innocence of his charges, saying he refused to take part in a bounty program that coaches were instituting on the team. Whether his plea of innocence is true or not remains to be determined.

What spurred today's thoughts, though, was reading an article by long-time sports writer Rick Reilly, who basically lambasts Commissioner Goodell for his actions in handing out any player suspensions at all. His line of argument is what really provoked my thoughts: that the NFL is entirely comparable to the military, in that a coach's orders to do this or that (even if the command could be interpreted as morally wrong) is the same as troops' duty to obey their drill sergeant or captain in battle; and that it's wrong to punish these players who may or may not have participated in the bounty program, because we should all accept that the players follow a code of absolute obedience to their coaches. 

Does anyone else see anything terribly disturbing in this line of thinking? 

Firstly, let's take a time out and clear one thing up. The NFL is most undeniably not like the military. In a few of the surface details that Reilly's column suggested (that they wear uniforms, they have rigorous training, and there's some sort of battle that takes place where brotherhood is needed), there is some small comparison. But in my opinion - one that aims to give much more reverence to those laying down their very lives for the preservation of our freedom - it's not anywhere close in the ways that count. In military training, and in the field of battle itself, a soldier listens to his commander because failure to do so disrupts the cohesiveness of the unit, and it can result in the death of that solider, and his mates. This is hardly what's on the line when a coach says, "Jump, Vilma!" In this case Jonathan Vilma, or any other Saints player, could respectfully decline to participate because his integrity is on the line and the thing commanded of him is in conflict with what is morally acceptable. In this case, failure to obey may mean a demotion or blacklisting in the league. But, as Orrin Woodward says, "What is your integrity worth to you?" 

Reilly wants us to all fall to our knees and weep over the prospect of a player's disobedience to a morally wayward coach resulting in that player being effectively banished to the Canadian Football League, and watching his career take a hit.  But first of all, the millions of Americans who, like I, make barely enough to pay for rent and groceries each month, should not feel sorry for someone whose career consists of a glorified, flashier level of playground activities we all did at recess in school. Considering the millions of dollars that Vilma has made up til now, and will likely make again one day when the dust settles, his life is nowhere near ruined. So he's not going to undergo any real trauma or difficulty, other than what self-pity brings on. Besides that, for a pro football player to sell out his character just to avoid becoming unpopular with colleagues, is to open the door for a habit of doing so in anything else in life. 

Our subconscious mind, which outweighs our conscious mind by 4 billion neurons to a couple thousand (See: "The Ant and the Elephant" by Bill Peet) will notice every occasion that you ignore the right choice for the wrong one - it doesn't give two hoots about your reason why - and will slightly program you to a comfort with doing it again later, until eventually a person is flying down that slippery slope at breakneck pace. It's been said that, if we can't be honest with ourselves, we'll never be honest with others. Rick Reilly is making the argument that, in certain cases such as this, where it's just always been that NFL players abide by the wishes of their coaches, it's "situationally acceptable" for a man to inflict purposeful injury on another. Are we really willing to glorify a professional sport to that extent? Is it so important that we laud and magnify the great NFL and its awe-inspiring players, who are in such extreme peer and authority pressure to join in jumping off the cliff like the rest? What would Reilly say if a story emerged about a different vocational setting with the same plotline? Let's say Bill has Dave violently hip-check Harold into the copy machine in the office, because Bill is worried Harold is about to take his promotion and Dave, his subordinate, has always been his office lackey, the one who keeps the corporate ladder's rungs safe for Bill. Suddenly it doesn't sound so "reasonable," does it? If you call a "wrong" a "right" in one case, how can we possibly know where a "wrong" needs to just be a "wrong"? 

I'm not saying that Rick Reilly is a horrible person. But I am saying that he is, sadly, exhibiting a symptom of what's become an epidemic in American society (and yes, around the world as well) - moral relativism. The post-modern world view, which has as a core belief the idea that there are no moral absolutes, has been creeping into our nation's homes, streets, institutions, and governments for many years already. But it seems to be more prevalent than ever, not only in the fact that Rick Reilly would pine for justice for these players on his line of justification, but, worse, in the fact that so few would balk at his saying so.

If we are to continue on down this slippery slope of moral relativism, saying "Hey man, what's right for you is cool, but I have a different take on that," or "Well, that used to be the way a football player should act, but times have changed," we will watch our country lose everything it has stood for since the days of the founders. How is it that no one anymore challenges this idea, and says "Now wait a minute! If it's wrong to purposely injure someone out in your backyard at a friendly barbecue pickup football game, why is it any different in some professional football league?" It should be clear that the right thing to do is always right, and that, if anything, when we hear in the news that so-and-so went against what was right because it was going to be unusually hard to stand firm, we should be collectively groaning over that tally in the loss column of the scoreboard of life in our nation. 

What's right is right no matter what. To do the right thing in all situations is not only simply the right thing to do and is pleasing to God, who demands perfection of people (even though he is forgiving and merciful when we fail), but it's also another layer of mortar in the foundation that we build all our lives, to make sure the houses we set upon them (such as our families and marriages, our roles in our workplaces, our friendships, our public offices, and so on) can stand and not fall. 

If Jonathan Vilma is telling the truth in his denial of taking part in "Bountygate," let's pray that, whether or not he wins any appeal in NFL courts and is cleared to play and have his status restored, he can ultimately stand tall and proud, and have a sense of conviction and vindication in knowing that the character he chose not to sacrifice was worth far more than a year's salary. May we all choose what's right always, because our character is priceless, and because the example it sets to the world around us is part of a legacy worth leaving.

God bless.

A Man on a Mission

Call me crazy, but I have just come to the belief that my failure to record thoughts and reflections on the journey I'm undertaking would leave me remiss one day. Perhaps "one day" will be the day I set about writing a book of my own, whether a memoir or a flagship for a body of works of my very own, as I follow in the footsteps of leadership giants such as Orrin Woodward or Chris Brady. My aim is set much higher than ever before, so if I'm to take any cues from the reading I've become disciplined to do in the latest chapter of my life, it's to be a recorder of events, thoughts, and conversations, such as authors and gurus like Frank Boettger, Dr. David Schwartz, Dale Carnegie, John Maxwell, Steven Covey, etc have all done.

I look back in regret (though one topic I could, and may, write on is Never Have Regrets) over the forever lost conversations and interactions and stories that have captivated my heart and have taught me various things throughout life. Those events are now only sustained in memory through memory itself, and perhaps a few fading photos that bear some vague representation to that time. I don't want that to continue, therefore a blog must be my pursuit.

For any of you visiting this site who have known me for a long time, it's altogether likely that you'll roll your eyes at the very thought of someone as analytical, long-winded, and pensive as me putting my mind's products out into cyberspace. I do hope, however, that in time not only the quality of my thought processes and writing will evolve and mature, but also my very being.

Learning is something I once only gave modest attention to. But I've come into a new chapter in life within the last year or so that has blessed me dramatically already. Becoming a part of a community that passionately pursues excellence on the personal level, as well as a self-directed education and a reawakening of some principles long deceased in our society, has been a joy and a privilege. I wish for all of you who take any time to run your eyes over my words to give some consideration to the merit of such a pursuit.

Start with a dream. Start with purpose detected in your own life. Know why you believe the things you believe, and question everything. Socrates once said, "The unexamined life is not worth living." Over time and study you could, like I did, come to understand that even in a Biblical sense. We only have one shot at this thing called life. It ought to be rendered a journey. For me, that journey begins now, as I pursue learning, and sharing with anyone willing to listen the things I have been absorbing in my own self-directed education.

In a world within the internet that's more often than not fraught with disdainful and sinful content, I hope to leave a positive mark with my blog. There has always been a guiding light within me - i.e. my faith. Now, I seek to add to that compass in my heart the true underpinnings of a life well lived...through wisdom, principles, character building, a well-rounded knowledge of things, and the philosophical discoveries that come from much needed leisure in a frenetic world. This will be my journey... blessings to any of you who decide to occasionally share mine here.

This is now who I am. I could hide, as I have for nearly the first 3 decades of my life. But as E.E. Cummings declared, "To be nobody but yourself in a world that's doing its best to make you somebody else, is to fight the hardest battle you are ever going to fight. Never stop fighting."