The Folly of "The Quit"

 

The feeling of floundering in failure has led many a man (or woman) to give up on a pursuit that they once felt was worthy of their time and effort. We’ve all been there. Some of us have been there more than others.

What have you quit, or been tempted to quit, in your lifetime? A relationship with someone you loved but just couldn’t understand? A school program for a degree you wanted? A sport you wanted to excel in? A club or organization you felt you belonged in but that required too much of you and made you feel spread thin? A business venture? A job?

I listened to a success audio today (twice, it was that good!) by leadership expert Chris Brady, whose talk was titled, “Mastering Your Craft.” Although his talk was tailored to a specific business venture with its various tips and applications, he illustrated a powerful point that can – and should – be applied by anyone to any venture or undertaking. In my words, this is what his point was:

“Quitting something that’s worthy of your time and energy is very foolish.”

Sure, there’s things that no one would ever try to talk someone out of quitting, like smoking or drinking to excess, or reckless driving habits, or doing drugs….or even certain occupations or hobbies that aren’t always inherently bad, but might be for that person at that time.

What I’m talking about is giving up on a passionate pursuit. Giving up on something you once called a dream. Quitting something you shouldn’t quit.

As Chris Brady points out, there’s nothing wrong with a little experimentation as a child, adolescent, or even as a very young adult, while you figure out what pastimes or types of work you’re good at or would be passionate about doing as you grow up. But there comes a point in everyone’s life when it’s just time to master something. This is why the saying exists that one might be a “Jack of all trades, master of none.” Some people just never put all their eggs in one basket.

Why is this?

Certainly there can be many explanations for “The Quit.” At certain points in a person’s life they may quit something worthy for a variety of reasons, like being done in by a sinful pattern or an addiction, like messy relationships all around them that can’t be reconciled, like burn-out from overly fanatical behavior that wasn’t balanced by leisure or respite often enough. People might quit also because they’re forced out of something, like by life-threatening disease, a traumatic or time-consuming drama in their life with family, or things like that. Then there’s sometimes just a lack of courage, character, or will power to stay the course when you really should see that you owe it to yourself, and those aligned with you like a family or a team, to hang in there, push through, and not let your goal go unmet.

In his talk, Chris Brady put a little more specificity on why someone might quit something when they should’ve stuck with it. Maybe this won’t be applicable to every person in every degree of endeavor. But I’d wager that if more people took this idea to heart and applied it, there’d be less quitters-of-worthy-things out there in our society. Consequently, there’d be a lot more worthy causes being accomplished, a lot more things being done for the common good, and a lot of folks living happier, more fulfilled lives.

It goes like this: There’s a process of three main steps whenever you get into a venture.

-          Ignorance

-          Immersion

-          Intelligence

Chris describes how, in the ignorance phase, we’re filled with enthusiasm about something, and maybe there’s some instant early success with it, because you’re not even aware enough yet of how complex the thing is that you’re doing, and there’s less limiting beliefs about how to get it done.

The immersion phase is where it all gets real. This is when you start to realize in more depth what is all entailed in your career, your business venture, your hobby, your sport, your organization’s mission, etc…. In this phase the newness has worn off and you’ve begun to encounter the obstacles of your own limitations, your lack of full ability (which is inevitable, because everything requires mastery, which requires hard work), and adversity as the law of averages plays out more.

It’s in this immersion phase that a separation takes place. Here is where some, who lose courage and grow weary in pursuing excellence in what they’re doing, become tempted to quit. Yet some others don’t quit. When “The Quit” takes place, the massively unfortunate thing that Mr. Brady points out is that the quitter now has to start…all…over…again.

Quitting something worthy of your time and energy essentially makes waste of all the time and energy in your life that you already invested.

Therein lies the folly of the “The Quit.”

I believe that, although we cannot come to a sound faith in God on our own because of our fallen nature, spiritually, we CAN live out our lives themselves as a gift that’s FULL of choice opportunities. Once you realize your one main purpose in life to be fulfilled (and that’s a topic for another time, to be best covered by men and women far wiser than I) you owe it to yourself, and the world you’re here to bless, to just decide on mastering whatever distinct venture you’ve set your mind to.

If it’s to be a pastor or missionary out seeking the spiritually lost around the world, don’t quit! If it’s to be a teacher, a home builder, a physician, a high level executive of a great company that offers a wonderful service or product, don’t quit! If it’s to gain a political office to bring about positive change in society, don’t quit! If it’s to be an entrepreneur who wants more than the average amount of free time to invest in family, travel, charitable giving, and educating others on what you’ve done in the business world, then DON’T QUIT! Don’t spend your life second-guessing the validity of what you once committed to! Stay the course.

The problem with staying the course within this aforementioned immersion phase, is that it’s a stage that’s jam-packed with tough experiences. You’re well beyond the initial excitement. Your rosy-colored glasses have cracked and fallen off your face, and you see all that’s ugly, tough, or sometimes unpleasant about the tasks. You also begin to tire of seeing all that’s ugly, tough, or unpleasant about YOURSELF.

It’s at this critical juncture, when you feel like you’re in over your head, drowning, overwhelmed, inundated….that you must reach down deep for extra strength, because pushing on is of highest importance.

[For the greatest – or, in my opinion, only – source of strength within, by the way, I humbly propose seeking the one true God, who has promised to give unending reserves of strength and courage for any worthy or righteous undertaking.]

After pushing through the adversity, the getting-real-with-yourself moments, and the challenges of the learning curve needed for mastery, you arrive somewhere that makes it all worthwhile. It’s a place that is a destination yet untouched by my feet on my personal journey, but of which I can speak with glowing terms because of the powerful testimony of others who have reached theirs.

This last phase is called the intelligence phase. In this stage of the game, you’ve finally come through the woods. You’ve spent enough hours practicing, playing through the games of your sport, and making adjustments ruthlessly with yourself so you could achieve your goals. You’ve created enough masterpieces of art, you’ve launched enough well done and dazzling performances or projects. You’ve delivered on enough effectively constructed contracts in your industry. You’ve conquered the competition, put in enough time learning, and most importantly, applied it all over and over and over again, in real time, never being satisfied with “good enough.” You’ve sweated, cried, bled, prayed endlessly over someone or something, and left nothing out there but your best. After enough time in that immersion phase, you now have an intelligence, or a competence, that comes quite naturally. And that, my friends, brings a satisfaction that nothing can touch.

But to feel the sands of that perfect beach of intelligence and competence in whatever undertaking you’ve chosen, you HAVE TO swim the miles of ocean, dodge the sharks, and refuse the life boats that row past with someone offering a floatation device - - - a way out.

Believe that it’s worth it. Understand that, with the right source of strength and the right support, and with enough courage, you can, and must push through and kick and struggle and paddle in the drowning sensation of the immersion phase.

If you quit, it’ll be the most foolish thing. As Chris Brady has said elsewhere, “Quitting is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.”  Those who quit one thing only risk starting an endless, spiraling pattern in life, that will never allow them to find fulfillment, happiness, or success.

How can one survive the lure of quitting when the immersion phase becomes so strong?

Chris Brady’s recommendation is this:

Make one very critical, very character-forming decision: Will you deflect all the pressure onto someone or something else? Or will you take all that pressure and overwhelm from your challenges, and place it on yourself, and leverage it into motivation to change and improve?

To say it again, you can survive immersion in whatever you’re doing, and arrive at mastery/intelligence/competence, by taking all the pressure and putting it onto yourself.

Orrin Woodward, another great leadership mind of our times, has put it this way: “You either hate changing enough to lose, or you hate losing enough to change.” Which one of those are you?

If you quit when you should just push through, starting over is so foolish because you’re choosing to believe a lie. What’s the lie? It’s the ever popular saying that seems to arise everywhere, “It’s never too late.”

FALSE. THERE IS A “TOO LATE.”

It can be too late when you’ve blown out enough relationships in your life that you’re left alone and have to spend your remaining years trying to win them all back or just end up bitter and crabby. It can be too late when you’ve resorted to something so reckless or desperate that you wind up in prison. It can be too late when you’ve let addictions overtake you. It can be too late when you’ve thrown away a marriage or your family life. It can be too late when your habits ruin your health. It can be too late when you’ve gotten yourself blacklisted out of whatever circles you wanted to live in for a profession.

It’s too late when you’re dead.

And that day, by the way, could be tomorrow.

Quitting ensures that you lose out on the opportunity to be passionately engaged in the hunt for whatever purpose you’ve chosen to fulfill. And when you’re not under that pressure anymore, you risk dying in a state of lethargy, pointlessness, and misery. We are our happiest and most content when we know we’re getting after something that’s worthwhile.

So don’t allow the challenges, drama, mundane details, or lies of the Evil One to convince you to quit something that you just need to push through because it’s temporary. Keep kicking those legs, and swim all the way through the drowning sensation until you reach the surface. Become a master swimmer, so you can accomplish your purpose, and along the way, lead as many others as possible through their difficult times, so they too can achieve excellence and significance, and bring a smile to the face of their Maker.

DON’T QUIT!!

Stop Being a Victim, Go Be a Victor

Tonight I dare to comment on a topic that used to be very much meant for my ears. I think the majority of people bothering to read a blog like mine will already have a little better understanding, though it's the Everyday Joes and Janes of society, with whom we all interact, that I really want to speak to.

Let me just state a truth about our country that far too few seem to understand anymore: We live in a free enterprise society - NOT a socialist one!

This may seem obvious to most everyone, but what's unfortunate about many today is that we are a people who are often well educated, but highly misinformed. Coworkers, people I rub shoulders with in public, maybe even a friend or relative....so many fooled into thinking we should all be on level ground. 

When I say "we," substitute for "the poor, middle class, and wealthy alike." 

As hard as it may be to do so, dismiss for a few moments the knowledge we all so intimately share (or like to think we do, because the media and movies are always credible sources) that all the wealthy are crooked or were born with a silver spoon in their mouths. If you put that aside, you can entertain the thought that there is a nobility and admirable quality to how wealth and success is often obtained. Many of the wealthiest in America (or around the world, for that matter) got where they are now after VERY humble beginnings. In fact, in light of Bastiat's Law, it can be understood that most of those who have achieved that status and kept it did so more often than not through toil and valuable life lessons, not through overnight magic or from inheritance. Bastiat's Law, often quoted by leadership expert Orrin Woodward as one of his noted "Five Laws of Decline," is simply put, that whenever plunder is available along with hard work as contemporary choices, human nature is liable to take plunder. 

In other words, if you have to earn it the hard way, it's easier to do things the crooked way. 

And in still other words, by extension, if you earned it through doing things the hard way, you appreciate it and treat it right. 

I will definitely concede that there are many juggernaut company tycoons, wealthy back-pocket-stuffing politicians, and others who didn't achieve wealth or success by the noblest of means. But what drives me crazy is the haste with which so many around me in this day and age seem to cast the net of generality over ALL wealthy people, defaulting to a position of disdain. 

But let's call it like it is. If we're really honest with ourselves, we know that there are some of them who got where they are by honest, hard fought, long-hours kind of living for many years to have the results that become known to the public eye. And what usually parades as disdain is an underlying envy of those people - that they figured out how to beat this gosh-awful, savage game in life, the battle against an economy, and the rules of conventional income-earning, to emerge victorious. 

So what I'm saying tonight is: Stop being a victim, and go figure out how to be a victor in the game. 

I have worked many hours in retail or other settings where I got to service the elderly generations. I often wonder what they're thinking as they go through these latter years of life in a society that has become so completely soft and whiny. Many of us have grandparents or great grandparents, or maybe even parents, who valiantly risked their lives or gave them up altogether in ugly warfare, for the protection of our rights and liberties in this land of the free and home of the brave. 

Only now they probably listen to the conversations, eye up the slumped postures and sagged clothing, and bear witness to petty and lazy behavior, and think, "Brave? What brave?" We applaud those who step out and get a second job - when they could really stick to one if they just made better financial choices - like THEY'RE some kind of heroes and hard working icons. 

How about this? Take that victim card...you know you have one...and rip that puppy up and chuck it in the nearest fire. 

Playing the victim card is one's way of handing over all ability or opportunity to do something to change the current reality. 

Dear fellow citizen, whether you realize it or not, the United States of America is still the greatest place to live where opportunity exists. It's an ever fleeting reality, as we continue to allow our ballooning and ungodly government to sneak our freedoms out from under us. But it's still true that if you really want a different set of circumstances, you CAN go out there and get them! 

It's going to take a radical change in your thinking, though. A change process that I myself, through the influence and mentorship of entrepreneurs in the past few years, have only begun to skim the surface of. But it's worthy of your time and effort. You need to seek out those who appear to have the fruit on the tree that you wish your little sapling had to show for itself. Don't shun or think morally less of those who have accomplished something. They may actually have something to teach you. There's lessons that don't end up being learned from school curriculums, about self-respect, discipline, integrity in dealings, how to influence others and win them over to your way of thinking for the common good... There's lessons about how to be shrewd with your finances, and practice delayed gratification instead of having everything your whims lean toward in the now. There's even some of these folks who can help you grow your faith, so you know how true wealth is really found, and how to balance ambitions with grounded priorities, to keep values at heart, and keep ones intentions in check. 

But all these things have to be learned. They don't flow into us from video game consoles. They don't come to us as a rebate from the bar after running up so high a tab in so many consecutive weekends of partying. They don't enter into our minds on accident. 

Don't bemoan the wealthy or successful. Don't call it unfair. Unfair is what it would be if we were all forced to make a living by beating LeBron James in one-on-one every week (well, at least for people like me, and 98% of the rest of the regular population). Once you come to understand and appreciate not only how much opportunity truly exists out there in our country, for those who are truly hungry and creative, but also how wealth is earned and maintained, you simply can't keep playing that victim card. 

The truth is, dear fellow 21st century American citizen, you have it inside you. Your intellect is sufficient, and you have enough of your own personal, unique brand of genius that was infused into you at birth, to accomplish great things. You can have a fantastic, well-rounded lifestyle that can be the envy of others who also don't get it. You can climb the right kind of ladder to whatever heights you wish, if you'll only humble yourself to see the vanity in cutting others down. 

You, my friend, can be a victor. Don't be a victim. Define what you want you life to actually look like - and place no boundaries or limits on that painting in your mind. Then be willing to go seek out those who have results you want in your future. Then learn from them. Copying was verboten in school, but in adulthood, anyone from Richard Branson to John Maxwell, from Jeff Bezos to [the late] Steve Jobs, from Bill Gates to Mark Zuckerberg -- they'll all tell you that copying is the best way to ensure you climb to the heights you're truly wishing for. 

So stop the wishing. Stop the envying. Stop the disdain. The victim card will get you no further than where you are right now. Go be a victor. Chase down your own personal victories. They are more than within your grasp if you're willing to fight for them. 

Then, one day, when the tables are turned and you're enjoying the spoils of your toils, you'll be hoping all the Everyday Joes and Janes (like what you used to be) don't loathe you, because you'll know that if they do, they just don't know the whole story.