Line in the Sand

"It's been ten years strong,

        That's much too long,

                It's time to do something good for my health,

                      Time to do something good for myself..."

                                                  ("Bug Eyes" by Dredg)

Within the past couple years I've been applying (or trying to) a powerful principle:

           "Never leave the scene of a decision without taking an action step in its direction."

A line has been drawn in the sand of my life. There's no movie-like experience, no surreal epiphany, no trauma that's occurred that's causing this line to be drawn. No, it's just a plain ol' decision. A "for crying out loud, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH" decision. A life decision. And I'm letting the world know about it. This way, I'm accountable to you all. I've spoken it into existence, and as of today it becomes a part of the Jeff Ulrich that's publicly known. 

In senior year of high school I weighed 225 lbs. At that weight I bench pressed 250 lbs., I could squat 400 lbs., and ran a 4.8 40-yard dash - I was about the 3rd fastest on our varsity football team by my recollection. (The picture above was me at 20, 2 years removed from senior year, but in roughly the same shape)

In these years since, I've gradually become someone, physically, that I certainly shouldn't be at only 31, as a father of two young boys, and as a husband to a beautiful woman. It's time to put to an end this pitiful slide that has seen me ride the excuses of a busy grown-up's life like a rented mule. Tonight, that mule is being taken out back and given the shotgun treatment, cuz it needs to be put out of its misery. 

I'm tired of self-deprecating jokes. I'm tired of using the lines like "Hey, I'm in shape - round is a shape," or "I've got a six-pack under my keg," etc around other out-of-shape guys. I'm tired of being a prisoner to the reality that I let years of raising children, holding down stressful jobs, not always having money for the healthiest foods, or being "too busy" to work out, rob me of being in the kind of fitness I owe to myself. 

I'm done with hating what I see in the mirror. I'm done with not wanting my picture taken. I'm done with aches and pains that can be passed off onto other sources but that also have to do with being overweight. I'm done with never having the energy to tackle life's challenges, AND my continually buried ambitions, with the vigor that I want. I'm done with feeling like picking clothes to wear is a choice between evils. I'm done with lying to myself that when my blood pressure, heart rate, and cholesterol are always just fine at doctor visits that it means I'm "healthy." I'm done with the discontent, the lack of self-confidence, the bitterness, and the sloth...and knowing that it's all my fault. 

So here is the line in the sand. It starts here and now, once and for all. This is a mission that is NOT impossible. With my God Almighty behind me, I will not and cannot fail. 

My action step is this:

Between today and April 26th, 2015 I will be training for a 5K run in Milwaukee. It's called Sweet Home Milwaukee 5K, and its open for registration. Here's the link:

sweethomemilwaukee.weebly.com

For some of you out there this would be a joke. My own father, for example, runs this distance multiple times every week. It's a part of the habits he's maintained all his life. That is not my story though. For me, it'll mean a revolution of fitness in MY life. It'll mean pushing through plantar fasciitis and low back pain whenever I walk for more than a half mile. It'll mean getting my knees used to the feel of jogging, and getting my lungs used to running for long periods of time. It'll mean getting used to running 3.2 miles (5K) often enough that, come 4-25-15, I'll be able to PUSH myself to clock a great time on Race Day. 

This will be a huge, personal victory that I've been needing to go get for myself for a long time. And the intention is, it'll be a springboard to a consistently healthier future than what I've allowed myself in the past out of cowardice. 

By the way, I'm officially inviting anyone who reads this to join me that day, no matter where you are, to come out to Milwaukee and run the lakefront and enjoy the push. I can only imagine how cool it would be for me to culminate this long winter of training by seeing friends from everywhere gather - if you could - to support me and also do yourself the favor of making the run. Maybe some of you need to do something like this for YOURself too. A couple of you will be getting calls of personal request to run this with me, since I'll really hope for accountability partners in this journey. 

I am simultaneously filled with a jaw-clenched determination...and fear. I have so long to go....but I must. I've tried to start before and quit....but I can't this time. I've lived with a lot of lies about how important fitness is.....but those lies must be replaced with a new truth. I'm going to get weary, and feel like I don't have the support to make it...but I owe this to myself, to my kids, to my wife, and to everyone else in my life who'll gain from having a healthier Jeff around. 

This is a battle that's a long time coming. I'm putting on my mental armor and bracing for the fight with myself. I need you all to help me though, too. I would appreciate all the prayers and encouragement you're all willing to dish out. Thank you.

Right now a stern Bible passage that I've chosen to not apply more closely in my life is very much on my mind:

"You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore, honor God with your bodies." 

           - 1 Corinthians 6:19b-20

I will do this for my own sake. Yep. And I will do this to ensure I'm around and healthy for my family's sake. Indeed. But most of all..........I will do this to honor my God. I will do this to make a thanksgiving sacrifice that shows my Savior that I appreciate from deep down in my ferocious, courageous, capable male heart that he saved me and punched my ticket for heaven, and gave me this body to be the vessel for the good works he drew out for me from eternity past. 

Now....It's time for me to start kicking my own butt. 

Giddyup. 

More Than Holding Doors

Now I'm just guessing that whoever made this up (I haven't researched it enough to know if it's a meme - whatever that is, a poster, a book cover, or what...and I don't care enough to), as well as my friend who posted it on Facebook today, is just doing it all in good fun. But it made me stop to think about the chauvinism it represents in light of the fact that this still is an issue at large in our society. 

I was reminded of that fact again recently within my own church circles when a woman who regularly attends our church spoke of her continued hesitation to fully join the church in membership because of her discomfort with the practice of asking women members not to vote in church assemblies. In her defense, her life's circumstances have given her little reason to feel like men have always been a solid example of leadership and sacrifice, so the idea of "submitting" to their authority - in church matters or otherwise - is hard to stomach. 

The mention of this word "submit" is always a can-of-worms-opener, and often results in some diatribe about how women need to just learn better to understand the true denotation of the word ("My dear sister in the Lord, if you read this in the original Greek text, you find that this word really means....blah blah blah..."). At least that's happened in my experience, and I've probably even been the one to try and do the educating on it myself, what with my background in pastoral studies. But that's not what I'm going to divulge here. 

The way I see it, women wouldn't have to go through any special Bible class and get a full dissertation on what Christian submission among women/wives should truly look like, if only they had a predominant presence of examples of men living in their true roles all around them - - especially in the church and in God-fearing homes, where it should abound. 

And so, switching gears, what is this true role of men?

That's it: SACRIFICE.

All of the debate and discussion about men's and women's roles or the gender differences - especially within church circles - always seems to end up revolving around the wife's submission that Christ had St. Paul write about and instruct on in the Epistles of the Bible. Why is this? Why is one half of the equation so lopsidedly spoken of?

Probably because men aren't stepping up. 

It's not hard for me to make that statement and say it boldly and simply, because I'm a member of the guilty party, and I've observed men's behavior all my life. When the summation of the behavioral tendencies of men is viewed through the lens of the Word of God, which exposes sin for what it is, and also provides direction for how we're to live instead, we can see this plain as day. Men aren't sacrificing enough. 

If men begin to overwhelmingly give women everywhere the evidence of their love and devotion through true sacrifice, in everyday life, women's hearts will begin to find the reason to soften enough to positively view submitting - in God's way - and have no issue with it anymore. 

I won't post it here - you can look it up yourself and let the words speak to you for a moment by yourself - but Ephesians 5:21-33 paints a picture that puts quite the onus on the men. Everything that God set up in the church, in society, and in the home, is really meant to be a model or reflection of God's relationship with mankind. The summary of that relationship, of course, is the ever-popular John 3:16:

"For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only son, so that whoever believes in Him will have eternal life."

This passage is about a love of sacrifice. God's love for fallen man was so fierce that he made the heart-wrenching decision to commission his son, Jesus, to come down to Earth where he could live in our place, and ultimately die in sacrifice on the cross, to make atonement for all sins of everyone of all time. This made it possible for us to have a heavenly eternal destiny at God's side when life ends, rather than suffer separation from the God who loves us because of our horrible sins. 

This, friends, THIS is what men are supposed to model. This is about more than holding doors. This is about more than remembering anniversaries, birthdays, and flowers and chocolates on Valentine's. It's about more than poetry, candle-lit dinners, naming stars after her, buying jewelry, and so on. 

For those of us who've had a Wedding Day, in that moment when vows were read/recited, and the words came from smiling mouths as our eyes were locked and we stood in front of God and witnesses, talking about steadfastness in sickness and health, sturdiness in poverty and wealth, fidelity at all times, and unconditional love, didn't a part of us valiantly recall those times in adolescence or dating when we thought about loving someone (perhaps her) so much that we'd die for her?

Enough about dying for the girl. That's one moment of courage. In fact, for most red-blooded decent men, that's an almost instinctive thing that we have ingrained into us, by a God who designed us to be protectors, and by a society that has always lauded machismo and valor. That - the dying for her....that's nothing.

Women will embrace their role that God made for them - i.e. to submit by following our lead, letting us speak for them in important matters, letting us be the main teachers of God's Word to our household, etc. as soon as they start to see that men are LIVING - really living - for their wives. 

But why do we stink at this so much, guys? I think of myself and what I've done to fail at being the man and husband and leader that my wife has always needed and deserved, and it makes me feel like a hypocrite for even typing this. I think of how easy it was to try and sweep her off her feet, woo her and win her heart, serve her and be thoughtful for her, when our relationship was young. But we settle in for the long haul after a while. We become comfortable with an arrangement. We fool ourselves into thinking it was all about persuading her into a contract, or selling her on the product of us and our love, and then, once the ink on the paper is dry - why bother? That's what our sinful hearts begin to believe later on. 

But when we're numbly going along, acting that way, showing little sacrificial love to our women, we are in essence forgetting Christ's sacrifice for us. I so quickly and so often forget the raging vibrancy of the love that compelled Jesus to do everything he did, say everything he said, live every day as he did, and allow himself to be killed in crucifixion by hateful enemies, so that I could go free. If only I wouldn't forget... Cuz when I remember this model, my joy and thankfulness bursts into a flame of passionate and courageous desire to live for my wife and lay down whatever of mine must be lain down, so that she can be loved. 

Respect is something to be earned, it's not based on titles. No woman reading this should ever believe the lie that she should respect and submit herself to a man - namely her husband - because HE says so. Yes, God asks you to, and that's a directive worth obeying. But as far as men are concerned, the respect of women should be earned through our leading by example in the Lord's way. 

More to the point of the woman connected with my church: Guys, we can do wonders to inspire the women that God asks to follow us in church applications if we employ this same Christian chivalry and sacrifice within our church interactions. God has handed down the huge responsibility to lead and navigate our churches, and homes, through the perilous seas of life and the mission of serving others with our life's work. Let's make the load of submission as light as a feather by laying ourselves down for the ladies, just as Christ did in his unfathomable love for those he bought back from sin.

To my own wife, if you read this:

I'm deeply sorry for a history of entitlement with you, for lack of true loyalty, for conditions in my love, for being easier to be around only when things are going well, and for dropping the ball on leading with vigor in our home and in society. Forgive me, sweetheart, for losing my God-based identity and being selfish. But you somehow have consistently held a high standard for yourself in living within God's role for you, serving in our home, guiding and nurturing our children, and respecting me and my flawed attempts to lead. I WOULD die for you, dear...I only want to do better to live sacrificially for you every day. Thank you from the depths of my heart, for your shining example to all women, and for your gracious submission to me as I try to die for you every day. With God's help and strength, becoming the man of God that you deserve - a sacrificing leader - is a mission that's definitely possible!

God bless you all....