Now I'm just guessing that whoever made this up (I haven't researched it enough to know if it's a meme - whatever that is, a poster, a book cover, or what...and I don't care enough to), as well as my friend who posted it on Facebook today, is just doing it all in good fun. But it made me stop to think about the chauvinism it represents in light of the fact that this still is an issue at large in our society.
I was reminded of that fact again recently within my own church circles when a woman who regularly attends our church spoke of her continued hesitation to fully join the church in membership because of her discomfort with the practice of asking women members not to vote in church assemblies. In her defense, her life's circumstances have given her little reason to feel like men have always been a solid example of leadership and sacrifice, so the idea of "submitting" to their authority - in church matters or otherwise - is hard to stomach.
The mention of this word "submit" is always a can-of-worms-opener, and often results in some diatribe about how women need to just learn better to understand the true denotation of the word ("My dear sister in the Lord, if you read this in the original Greek text, you find that this word really means....blah blah blah..."). At least that's happened in my experience, and I've probably even been the one to try and do the educating on it myself, what with my background in pastoral studies. But that's not what I'm going to divulge here.
The way I see it, women wouldn't have to go through any special Bible class and get a full dissertation on what Christian submission among women/wives should truly look like, if only they had a predominant presence of examples of men living in their true roles all around them - - especially in the church and in God-fearing homes, where it should abound.
And so, switching gears, what is this true role of men?
That's it: SACRIFICE.
All of the debate and discussion about men's and women's roles or the gender differences - especially within church circles - always seems to end up revolving around the wife's submission that Christ had St. Paul write about and instruct on in the Epistles of the Bible. Why is this? Why is one half of the equation so lopsidedly spoken of?
Probably because men aren't stepping up.
It's not hard for me to make that statement and say it boldly and simply, because I'm a member of the guilty party, and I've observed men's behavior all my life. When the summation of the behavioral tendencies of men is viewed through the lens of the Word of God, which exposes sin for what it is, and also provides direction for how we're to live instead, we can see this plain as day. Men aren't sacrificing enough.
If men begin to overwhelmingly give women everywhere the evidence of their love and devotion through true sacrifice, in everyday life, women's hearts will begin to find the reason to soften enough to positively view submitting - in God's way - and have no issue with it anymore.
I won't post it here - you can look it up yourself and let the words speak to you for a moment by yourself - but Ephesians 5:21-33 paints a picture that puts quite the onus on the men. Everything that God set up in the church, in society, and in the home, is really meant to be a model or reflection of God's relationship with mankind. The summary of that relationship, of course, is the ever-popular John 3:16:
"For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only son, so that whoever believes in Him will have eternal life."
This passage is about a love of sacrifice. God's love for fallen man was so fierce that he made the heart-wrenching decision to commission his son, Jesus, to come down to Earth where he could live in our place, and ultimately die in sacrifice on the cross, to make atonement for all sins of everyone of all time. This made it possible for us to have a heavenly eternal destiny at God's side when life ends, rather than suffer separation from the God who loves us because of our horrible sins.
This, friends, THIS is what men are supposed to model. This is about more than holding doors. This is about more than remembering anniversaries, birthdays, and flowers and chocolates on Valentine's. It's about more than poetry, candle-lit dinners, naming stars after her, buying jewelry, and so on.
For those of us who've had a Wedding Day, in that moment when vows were read/recited, and the words came from smiling mouths as our eyes were locked and we stood in front of God and witnesses, talking about steadfastness in sickness and health, sturdiness in poverty and wealth, fidelity at all times, and unconditional love, didn't a part of us valiantly recall those times in adolescence or dating when we thought about loving someone (perhaps her) so much that we'd die for her?
Enough about dying for the girl. That's one moment of courage. In fact, for most red-blooded decent men, that's an almost instinctive thing that we have ingrained into us, by a God who designed us to be protectors, and by a society that has always lauded machismo and valor. That - the dying for her....that's nothing.
Women will embrace their role that God made for them - i.e. to submit by following our lead, letting us speak for them in important matters, letting us be the main teachers of God's Word to our household, etc. as soon as they start to see that men are LIVING - really living - for their wives.
But why do we stink at this so much, guys? I think of myself and what I've done to fail at being the man and husband and leader that my wife has always needed and deserved, and it makes me feel like a hypocrite for even typing this. I think of how easy it was to try and sweep her off her feet, woo her and win her heart, serve her and be thoughtful for her, when our relationship was young. But we settle in for the long haul after a while. We become comfortable with an arrangement. We fool ourselves into thinking it was all about persuading her into a contract, or selling her on the product of us and our love, and then, once the ink on the paper is dry - why bother? That's what our sinful hearts begin to believe later on.
But when we're numbly going along, acting that way, showing little sacrificial love to our women, we are in essence forgetting Christ's sacrifice for us. I so quickly and so often forget the raging vibrancy of the love that compelled Jesus to do everything he did, say everything he said, live every day as he did, and allow himself to be killed in crucifixion by hateful enemies, so that I could go free. If only I wouldn't forget... Cuz when I remember this model, my joy and thankfulness bursts into a flame of passionate and courageous desire to live for my wife and lay down whatever of mine must be lain down, so that she can be loved.
Respect is something to be earned, it's not based on titles. No woman reading this should ever believe the lie that she should respect and submit herself to a man - namely her husband - because HE says so. Yes, God asks you to, and that's a directive worth obeying. But as far as men are concerned, the respect of women should be earned through our leading by example in the Lord's way.
More to the point of the woman connected with my church: Guys, we can do wonders to inspire the women that God asks to follow us in church applications if we employ this same Christian chivalry and sacrifice within our church interactions. God has handed down the huge responsibility to lead and navigate our churches, and homes, through the perilous seas of life and the mission of serving others with our life's work. Let's make the load of submission as light as a feather by laying ourselves down for the ladies, just as Christ did in his unfathomable love for those he bought back from sin.
To my own wife, if you read this:
I'm deeply sorry for a history of entitlement with you, for lack of true loyalty, for conditions in my love, for being easier to be around only when things are going well, and for dropping the ball on leading with vigor in our home and in society. Forgive me, sweetheart, for losing my God-based identity and being selfish. But you somehow have consistently held a high standard for yourself in living within God's role for you, serving in our home, guiding and nurturing our children, and respecting me and my flawed attempts to lead. I WOULD die for you, dear...I only want to do better to live sacrificially for you every day. Thank you from the depths of my heart, for your shining example to all women, and for your gracious submission to me as I try to die for you every day. With God's help and strength, becoming the man of God that you deserve - a sacrificing leader - is a mission that's definitely possible!
God bless you all....
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