Book Cover Judgments

Have you ever found yourself perplexed over how tricky it can be to accurately size people up from first impressions? I'm not referring to the thought Hey, I have no idea what to make of this person. They're hard to read. No, I mean, how futile it is to trust our initial judgments of the cover of the book that is the new acquaintance.

Have you ever caught yourself having to backtrack from your original impression? Isn't it interesting how we so naturally and fluidly can amend an original favorable impression of a person with a newfound negative label, yet it's so very hard to admit to ourselves when we've mislabeled someone negatively and have to backtrack to relabel them positively?

I've found myself in this position a couple times recently with new coworkers. In two somewhat strikingly opposite cases I know I was wrong about someone from first impressions, and then I had to learn how to view that coworker in an opposite light than what I first thought was the one shining on them. Coworker #1 I was convinced might be a very humble, encouraging, easy-going individual who could be worth reaching out to with an invitation to partner with me in my leadership development group. When the invitation was officially extended, the reaction given and my initial treatment afterward proved me quite wrong on many of those assumptions. I won't say he's a bad person; it's just that I was probably incorrect about some of the good qualities in specific that I thought he had. Then coworker #2 was the stark opposite experience. Again, not to say that I've come to find that he's actually the most humble, agreeable, positive influence and a "10 percenter" extraordinaire. But I was wrong in my initial judgment, and labels of haughtiness, arrogance, and other things were probably too harshly ascribed - certainly he's not those things to the levels of depth that I first thought.

What does this teach us? What has it taught me, yet again? Well, of course, the old adage that we can't "judge a book by its cover" is profoundly true. In fact, it's so true that we may stand to consider that we're very often completely wrong when assuming someone belongs so far into one end of a label spectrum, and people are sometimes the total opposite of what we first think.

But more than that, I think this reinforces an invaluable lesson in leadership: At all times, look for the good in others around you. Sure, there are settings where this is easier than in others, but, as Orrin Woodward describes in his famous recording of a leadership talk, "Lens Effect," we only set ourselves up for failure in making a positive influence on our surroundings (i.e. leadership) if we allow ourselves to label others in a way that's anything but favorable. When I meet or observe someone like Coworker #2, though I find myself initially thinking, "Holy cow, that guy's got some ego! And he doesn't mind letting everyone know it," I should still instead force myself to correct that mental course and ask myself "Even if that is one of his weaknesses, what does it seem like this guy is good at?" or "What should I appreciate about this coworker?" or "Should I wait a little longer until I've been around him a few days before I cast any judgment at all? I might find that he's not so bad, or even that he could be a new friend in disguise." (In the case of this Coworker #2, I had immediately put up a wall of negative judgment with no provocation on his part, and had to feel very sheepish inside when he showed no hesitation later in extending his good will and acceptance - how humbling!)

Leadership opportunities are everywhere, in every imaginable setting. Until we learn to see others in a positive light, and hold back on judging books by less attractive covers, we'll delay our ability to positively influence them because we haven't cultivated a sense of good will and friendliness. In fact, finding automatic reason not to like or respect someone will only close us off to wanting to influence them in any decent way, thus tricking ourselves out of a chance to make a difference in that person's life. But when we do take up the lens of accepting, approving, and appreciating and we lovingly give others that chance to show themselves for who they really are - which often just needs a little bit of time - we can certainly find something (or maybe a lot of things) to like and be appreciative of, so we can attach to them on a human level and swing wide the door for positive influence.

Everybody is a book. Not all of us have the best covers. I resolve that, no matter the looks of the cover, I'll take the time to open the book, get beyond the table of contents and even the first chapter before labeling someone, and no matter what label I may eventually find them worthy of, I'll always find the good in the other person so I can be a blessing to their life - not a judge.

For this, God give me strength!!